19 Weeks

It has been some time since I’ve posted last, and for those who follow this blog/our journey and have been waiting for updates, I apologize!! Time just flies! So, without further ado….

Welcome back! 🙂

I think I wanted to start off this post with thanking everyone who inquired about how I have been doing and those that keep sending their congratulations to us! Some days it still doesn’t feel real.

I am now 19 weeks…I cant believe my last post was when I was just 11 weeks! Did I say that time flies?! We are finally to the point where we will discover what the sex of our babies will be, and I must say, It will probably become more ‘real’ (as if the whole, ‘my pants don’t fit’ wasn’t real enough). I am crossing fingers they cooperate and aren’t too shy to show the nice people their privates! We are planning on having a gender reveal party, so we’re going to have the sonographer write down what genders they are and we’re having a special cake made at our local bakery to show it! My mouth is watering just thinking of it. Once our family knows, we will announce it more publicly. Anyway!

We found a new OB clinic and really like it. We met our doctor as well and seem to like her and think she will do a good job for us. When the time comes, we will get to deliver at Mother Baby Center, which I am thrilled about! Otherwise, as far as pregnancy goes, it has been going pretty well for me. I feel like I deserve it. Haha. It’s a pretty nice trade off I say. We also know while my actual due date is August 6th, we will not go past 38 weeks! So, that puts me before August, and actually at the end of July! Whew!! Of course, there is always the chance I could deliver well before 38 weeks, that’s the furthest I’ll go if I make it that far.

On a more personal note…

This has been one hell-of-a-year for myself and my family. Lately, I have been feeling so much emotion with finally becoming pregnant after 3 rough years, to losing my dad before it could happen. We are coming up to one full year since we lost him just 4 days after making it to his 50th birthday. We could easily probably blame this on the extra hormones I have, but hey, what’s a pregnant girl to do!? It’s just been a really trying year. So many emotions regardless, from being disappointed at failed previous attempts, to heart broken when my dad passed during it all, and then back to happy and thrilled again when our first round of IVF worked for us.

I also want those to know (especially the ones that I know personally) that are still struggling with the pain that is infertility that I still feel YOUR pain. I know what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking and I am praying for you all to achieve the goal of creating your families. I am always here for you. I don’t for one second, take my pregnancy for granted. I know that for all of you, you will see the light and things will become easier with time and you’ll get your positives! Whether that’s carrying your own baby or going another route. We know that things work in mysterious ways, and we are given only the things we can handle. So, kudos to those of us that were dealt with this less-than ideal hand of life and are trying to figure out how to navigate it! Stay strong. All of you.

-Courtney

11 weeks

What a crazy, exciting, stressful, happy whirlwind this has all been!

Since I last wrote to let the world know we were expecting twins, not a lot has happened, but that’s okay with me. This post will probably be a little longer than usual, so I apologize in advance! 🙂

We finally picked an OB/GYN, and honestly, at 11 weeks I’m still trying to figure out if I like it. It’s such a change for me/us, going from wonderful nurses and a fabulous doctor that we shared our time with for over a year, to starting over and trying to decide if we like the place we’re at now, but without a lot of time, realistically. It was really stressful trying to find an OB in the first place. We don’t live near a great hospital, which was one of my requirements for an OB. Having twins, I’m going to need a bit more care potentially. We’re going to have about a 30 minute drive to a hospital no matter what, but we’re used to having to drive that. My dream was to deliver at Mother Baby Center, but I couldn’t find an OB near me (within 20miles- haha) that would deliver there. Secretly, I’m still on the lookout just in case.

I think we’ve been to about 3 appointments now. A couple of weeks ago, I experienced a really sharp shooting pain on my left side that went from my lower back to my left side. Naturally, I was really concerned, and immediately went to the worst thought – is something wrong with my pregnancy?! We were able to be seen sooner than our first appointment for an ultrasound and to talk with the doctor. This was the worst doc appointment i’ve had, and quite honestly has kept me guarded in a way from letting myself possibly like the clinic. We were early for the appointment to begin with, which was okay. They couldn’t find my chart upon check in. Annoying. Once the ultrasound was done, we were back in the waiting room, waiting to be brought back for our next appointment. Finally the nurse calls my name and brings us to our exam room…where we sat for AN HOUR before my husband went out to find someone. Yes. I sat in an exam room chair for an HOUR without anyone coming in to check on us or let us know that they were running that far behind – which was obvious. It was awful. I understood that I was being fit-in as I was considered some form of an emergency appointment, and the fact that the doctor I was supposed to see ended up calling in sick that morning, so they had to move me and who-knows how many others to a different Doc, but I was still baffled. Aside from my 2 1/2 hour appointment, we ended up leaving without any real reason for the pain I had a few times prior. The usual, drink more water, rest, let us know if it continues.

After that first appointment, we had our original appointment as “new patients”. No ultrasound, more of a general all over exam for me and discussion about tests and pregnancy. This appointment went fine, aside from being “violated” in every way possible. I also discovered I could have a small coffee if I wanted to. WOOO! Bright side, people.

Towards the end of week 10, I felt so sick, my body felt so tired, and I had cramping pains as well as another pain in my side. I was miserable! Of course, I call the nurse and she recommends that we come in for another appointment. We are on a roll. They must think I’m nuts! Anyway, they had me pee in a cup…which is SO hard to do…took my blood pressure and sat me in a room. When Doc came in he informed me that I did have blood in my urine. Ugh. What does this mean? Well, it could possibly mean two things. UTI or kidney stone. Both of which are likely scenarios from the pain I was having a few weeks ago that felt like kidney stone pain. We don’t know just yet what it is, but hopefully soon.

At this same appointment, we FINALLY were able to hear the Twins’ heart beats on doppler!! Aw, it was so wonderful! Such a big relief to know they were still beating away in there. They were at 170, which is good. It was a little more real at that point that there is life inside me! I wish we would’ve recorded it!

Aside from my pains that I had been experiencing, I have had a pretty easy pregnancy thus far. Did I just jinx myself? Probably. But It’s true! I have only been ‘sick-sick’ a few times and otherwise have just been tired, picky with food (meaning something sounds okay-then when it’s made I can’t eat it or i’ll vomit), forgetful and lazy! I say that’s not too bad considering there’s TWO in there!

So when I said earlier that my pregnancy hasn’t been too eventful, I guess I lied, but not for wonderful reasons. I know I’m not the only pregnant woman who has no idea what is happening to her body, and why she’s having pain that she can’t really describe or pin-point, but i’ve learned that as long as there isn’t any blood, it’s alright. I tell myself that, but I still get nervous. Which i’m pretty sure is normal.

Anyway, we’ve really appreciated all of the love, prayers, congratulations, everything, from everyone! We are very excited for this crazy adventure and can’t wait to start planning fun things!

-Courtney

Finally

Hello again!

I’m sure you’ve been wondering what has been going on since I last made a post! Well, a lot has happened!

We got the wonderful news that we were finally pregnant. Such a sigh of relief there. Then came the nerve-wracking waiting period again between the test results and our first ultrasound. That was rough. Almost more rough than waiting for the results! I don’t know why, but it was just a feeling of uncertainty again because anything could happen between our positive test, and seeing a heartbeat(s). It’s almost like it wasn’t real until that.

We had to wait two more weeks. I tell you, having to wait for ANYTHING that you’re looking forward to is terrible. I also didn’t have as much to keep me busy or occupied I felt like, but the day finally came! I was a nervous wreck.

We went into the room, and got ready. We were waiting again because my Doctor was running behind in a consult. Which was fine. But I was not comfortable half naked hanging out on the exam table. I was uncomfortable because the table wasn’t comfortable. I was also nervous. Did I mention I was nervous. I sound like a broken record. Anyway. Doctor finally comes in with my favorite nurse, and we waste no time! The ultrasound is underway, and I have no idea what I’m looking at. Of course, he pointed everything out, and I was amazed. I am still pregnant, and the ultrasound went great. I was terrified I wouldn’t hear a heartbeat(s). That quickly went away and I felt pure joy and reassurance. It was amazing.

We decided to wait to tell our families until Christmas Eve (TODAY!) I’m pretty sure they wanted to strangle us for not telling them right away, but in going through IVF and choosing to share the process with those you love, it doesn’t leave much for a surprise. So, we hung on to this one.

WE’RE HAVING TWINS!!!

I’ve been pretty lucky I think in the side effect department. The only big one I feel is exhaustion. I will occasionally get a feeling of nausea, but I haven’t gotten “sick”. It comes and goes for sure. I also run out of breath, it’s weird. Other than that, I’m just really trying to take care of myself, sleeping when I feel tired, and resting when I can. Definitely do not want to get sick either. Winter can be a terrible time of year.

We are so overjoyed with happiness and love for our little blessings, I can’t wait to see what pregnancy has in store for us!

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL Christmas and a great New Year!

-The Porters

how a superhero learns to fly…

If you’ve ever wondered if you can simply help someone by prayer, the answer is always yes. It’s the one thing you don’t have to put a whole lot of effort or even thought into!

I spent many days wondering how I would start this blog. Knowing that so many of you out there read it, keep up with it, and many look forward to the next post, and of course, news. I often thought, “how would I share bad news”, if it were bad of course. How would that go? Of course, I know we would have so many people there to help pick us up if we fell. We have such a wonderful support system no matter what, both from family and people we barely know! It’s such a beautiful feeling. Of course, I also thought about the opposite. If I have good news to share, how will that go?

We want to thank EVERYONE for your prayers, your thoughts, and kind words, especially from those that reached out separately. They mean the world to us. It has been such a roller coaster!

I suppose you’re sitting there reading this post wondering to yourself…”WHAT IS THE NEWS!?” “STOP RAMBLING!”.

Well, here goes nothing…

We’re pregnant!!!

Whew! A huge weight has been lifted off I feel like. Like I said before, I spent a lot of time debating whether or not to share the news before our first ultrasound. I wanted to share right away, but knew we couldn’t without telling family and close friends first. We spent the week sharing with our families and good friends and attempting to let the news sink in for ourselves. If I am being honest, it still doesn’t feel real. What I do feel? Exhaustion. For real. Anyway. I feel excited, nervous, incredibly happy, anxious and over again. After the transfer, I had such a feeling of relief. IVF was such a different feeling. It’s almost like I knew it worked from the instant it happened. Of course I wasn’t sure, but I just thought, “how could this NOT work?”. I wasn’t prepared to get bad news. I was always thinking subconsciously that when the day came, I would get good news. And we did! Being positive really helped, even though some days were harder than others! I am human after all, and being positive everyday is exhausting sometimes.

When we got the news from our first blood test, I was beside myself. Actually, I was hiding under my covers in our bed, and I made Mike call our nurse line to get the news…in the office…downstairs. I don’t know why I needed to hide under the covers, like it was going to protect me from something. I couldn’t hear anything but thundering footsteps tearing up the stairs and storming through our bedroom doors, and Michael dancing and jumping around. Immediately I started bawling. Is this real?! Did this just happen?! I couldn’t stop crying for a good 10 minutes. After I was back on earth, we listened to the message together again. It was an amazing moment, and of course, a moment we’ll never forget. The pure happiness we felt in that exact moment. “WE DID IT” Mike yelled! Of course, we had to tell our moms. That’s a whole different story. I’m sure you know what happened 😉 For fun, I had Mike run to the store to get urine tests, because I had actually never used one and knowing I would get a positive result, made it more fun! It was awesome.
After the first hurdle, which was a positive pregnancy test, we had a second hurdle to get over; a second positive test with numbers that doubled. First beta HCG was 1,617. Second beta HCG 3,736. MORE than double! This is fantastic news!!! We were riding on a high! We still are! Of course, there’s one more pretty big hurdle to get over, and that is the ultrasound about a week from now. This will be to find fetal heartbeat(s), as well as find out just how many little ones stuck! I am a bag of nerves.
While we still have something to look forward to (ultrasound), it’s such a weird feeling to be “let loose” from your doctor after the blood work confirmed the pregnancy. You wonder if you’re still pregnant, if things are still moving along smoothly. It’s sort of like separation anxiety. So I just pray each day that we continue with good news, and it will follow us to our next big hurdle.

I just want to clarify that while we are pregnant, it is still early. Anything could happen. Of course I pray for continued good news, there’s always a chance something could change. It’s a very difficult feeling to have. You want to stay as positive as possible, and remain happy, because we’ve just accomplished a great feat, but you immediately think about what could change. I try not to spend too much time giving that feeling much attention, but I can’t help but acknowledge it here and there. It’s normal!
Another reason I debated waiting to share with you all is because of the fact that it IS early. But I have to remember, that there is no “normal” when it comes to pregnancy. Each person and situation is different. Especially when you blog about it. Haha. Typically people won’t share their news until they are much further along, but IVF is different. You know exactly what happened and when, and you find out much sooner than you would if you didn’t have to go through infertility treatment. I couldn’t keep this news under wraps for much longer!

Again, we want to say THANK YOU to EVERYONE for your love and support, and of course we ask that you continue to pray for us, keep us in your thoughts, send us positive vibes, whatever it is, as we are not completely in the “clear” yet!! WE’RE SO CLOSE, BUT WE DID IT!!

-Courtney

PS- in case you’re wondering about the title of this post, it’s the song “Superheroes” by The Script, and it’s kind of my anthem right now for this process 🙂

We Wait.

Hello all!

Tomorrow is a big day. I get emotional when I think about it because I think back to all the anticipation, excitement and nervousness that I had leading up to this point. It’s like when you’re 12, and you think that there’s no way you could ever be 27. Because how?! There’s no way. It was nice to have a break, but then once we started, we got STARTED. We waited so long, and then It came and went so fast. The process that is. Of course, we aren’t done just yet, we have a little ways to go but that will consist of “relaxing” (aka working shorter shifts, and trying to remain stress free, which also means cleaning – laundry – baking…wait a minute..). Somehow, i’ll figure that “relaxing” thing out…maybe. It also just means, we wait.

Enter, the waiting period. Or the waiting game as it is also known. The period of time where I pay entirely too much attention to what my body is doing, wondering what in the world is happening inside while also trying to NOT think about it, pray, talk to myself, and get busy with something else. Remember that relax, stress free thing? Woops.

In all seriousness, I get emotional when I think about tomorrow because by that time, things that were supposed to happen, did. With IUI it’s a complete guess. You don’t know what’s going to happen, there’s no real control, or if the two most important things are going to meet! It’s a little different with IVF I feel like. You know it’s happened, it’s not a guess, the start of a life has been created in a sense. It’s now an embryo! Now, it lies on my body to make it work, to make it stick. There’s always a chance it can fail. Implantation won’t occur. I’m aware of this, but I can’t help but feel so positive about it. It feels like the end reward, outweighs the negative that could happen.

Tomorrow, we will arrive early for our appointment for my admission. We’ll get to talk with the nurses and my doctor to form our plan, and see a photo of the little embryo(s) we choose. How cool is that? Science and medicine are amazing. Once we’ve discussed, then the procedure will take place! Shouldn’t take too long, but I’m on rest orders for the rest of the day and light activity the rest of the week! I plan to take it easy on myself. I’ve only waited my whole life for this opportunity. Realistically, the last 3 years. We are blessed to even be able to have such an opportunity.

In the coming weeks, Mike and I ask for your prayers and heart-felt thoughts. We have always loved and appreciated them. I will still be in touch!

-Courtney

End Is Near..

Well hello to you all again! ( I want to start off by pointing out that the photo above is an ultrasound image that shows the needle – the bright thing in the upper left side of the image, piercing a follicle to drain the fluid/egg.)

So, I thought I might try and post a little more frequently when possible. Doing this blog is both therapeutic for me, and it also sort of serves as a journal! I’ll be able to look back when things get fuzzy at all my paperwork, notes, and this!

When I wrote last, I hadn’t started any of my injections yet. Shortly after finishing the pills I started on 10/18, I had my first ultrasound the morning of Halloween! There wasn’t much to report there, but things looked good. So that was good to hear. I had a follow up ultrasound 11/4, then again on 11/7 and 11/9. During all this time, my injections were in full-force. Typically I was doing one in the morning, and two in the evening. My stomach was so sore. There is only so much space to put them each day. I didn’t bruise, but I definitely became sore and bloated! That wasn’t fun. After my last ultrasound on the 9th, it was determined that I was ready. In total, there were 34 follicles! Ahh! No wonder I felt bloated and full. I was to listen to my voicemail for specific next steps. My retrieval would take place on Wednesday, 11/12! Prior to that, on 11/10, I had to do my ‘trigger’ shot at mid-night! That was fun (insert sarcasm). The reason for mid-night is because I would have about 36 hours, so it is very time-sensitive.

Retrieval day!!! Wednesday, 11/12 was the big day. We had to arrive at 11am on the dot. I was not to eat anything after 4am, and the morning-of I had to drink 16oz of water. The nurse came to get us, and we went back to ‘our room’, where I would get prepped for the procedure. I had to get into the oh-so-modest hospital gown, you know, the ones that show everything in the back and you have to turn into a contortionist just to reach the ties in back that don’t make sense because you’re alone in there. After that, came the Valium to relax me. I’ve never had it before so I was hoping it wouldn’t make me nauseous. Then came the dreaded IV. Thankfully the nurse numbed the spot it was to go, but I really hate IV’s in my hand. Once that was in, I was ready to go! The doctor came to chat with Mike and I in the room, answer any questions we might have, let us know what was to happen, and how long it would take. I was walked down to the room where I hopped up on the table, got snuggled in by a warm blanket and got started! I was given oxygen, fluids and pain medication. I think I was in there for 25 minutes. It didn’t feel painful at first, but towards the end it started to get really uncomfortable.

25 eggs in total. 25!!! Of course, they always tell us, quality is better than quantity, but hopefully i’ve got both on my side. For now, I rest comfortably knowing that they are being taken care of! They found homes in their petri dishes, where they will wait and grow until Monday! Monday will be another big day for us. We choose either one or two embryos to put back, that will hopefully result in a pregnancy. We’ll chat with our doctor to decide what is best for us.

I can’t forget to tell you that after the appointment yesterday, the biggest injection ever started last night as well. I’m not lying. It’s what is called an IM injection (meaning a 1 1/2 inch needle is needed). And it’s to be given in my butt cheek, and Mike has to administer it. Yeah, you read that right. Butt. Cheek. UGH. I was terrified of having someone afraid of needles and blood have to give me an injection into such a sensitive area. However, we had the nurse draw circles on each side where the injection was OK to be given. To my surprise, it’s not the first time someone asked! Haha. Made me feel better; we weren’t the biggest weirdos for asking. I drew it up, got prepared, and Michael did it…and he did great! I’m pretty sure he’d be sad if I didn’t share that with the world. He did a victory dance around the kitchen, pretty proud of himself. It was pretty cute. So now you know what we’re doing each night at 7pm!

Now I rest and wait until Monday. Then it’s more resting, and waiting! The end of this crazy ride is finally near.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Mike and I really appreciate them all!

-Courtney

So It Begins.

And here we are. It’s been a while since i’ve written anything, again! Ugh.

With having had some time off between treatments, I decided to not really think about my life revolving around infertility, and submerge myself into our new house. It was nice. For a little while. So that meant, I had nothing to really write about or share with you. I thought about it, writing something completely off topic, but I figured…no. I’ll just wait until I have more juicy stories and thoughts to share. Because you know, I just know you’re ALL sitting on the edge of your seats wondering where in the world I’ve been. I knew it.

Well, I’m back.

Earlier in September, after going through medication outlines and talking with my pharmacist pretty extensively, I received two boxes in the mail. What was in them you’re wondering? Well. A small personal pharmacy. Needles, syringes, and other miscellaneous supplies for all of the medications I had just received. When I say it was a box, I mean, a BOX. One was even cold packed. So, if you ever open my fridge, you’d see eggs, milk, butter, injection vials, apples. Like how I did that?

On October 18th, 2014, I officially started off the IVF process. In case you’re wondering, yes, it included another pill for a few days. No side effects with that one, which was really nice. Then it was onto Ultrasound for monitoring. That will be a regular thing for me from now until it’s done. After the OK was given to start, then came the first round of injections. Two times daily. Morning and night, for about 3-4 days. Then it’ll be a different injection, that will do something else. But that’s all I know for now. Everything I do now is preparing my body for the retrieval (taking my eggs). Besides that, I’ve got a color coded, detailed calendar hanging on my fridge, next to my work one. It tells me exactly what I’m to do on each day. Besides that, I have my own voicemail that I call into regularly to check messages from my nurses (if there are any) regarding treatment. Pretty nifty.

Aside from the sarcasm, I was excited (and still am) for the process to get started. As much as I am excited, I am also nervous. Nothing is certain, and there is still so much in the air. That really hasn’t changed. Everything depends on something else so it’s difficult to plan ahead. Actually it’s kind of impossible. From work, to social things, I can’t really commit to some things knowing that there is much yet to be done, but I don’t have an exact date for any of it. I just know it’s coming. That gives me stress. I am a planner. I like to know times and dates for things and where Im supposed to be, and when I can’t have that, I try as much as I can to just go for the ride. There are a lot of things (rather, everything) that are out of my control in this whole thing. But I suppose that’s life, isn’t it? We’re just along for the ride, hoping that we’re doing everything right!

Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, hopes, whatever it is that you do. We would greatly appreciate it!

A Little Twist.

And here we are! Fourth post in. Let me tell you, this is really cathartic. Writing has always been my best form of communication. Ask my mom, she’ll tell you. That’s not to say I’m not good at verbally communicating, I’m just better at writing it down.

I thought I might share where we are now.

After my PCOS diagnosis, it was time to start the medications to help treat it. I know I already gave the details in one of my other posts, so I’ll spare the details again. With treatment officially beginning one year ago, we started IUI cycles (intrauterine insemination). I will spare you the details there as well. But I can tell you how stressful just one cycle is: aunt flow shows up, two ultrasounds one week apart to make sure follicles are shrinking. Getting smaller? Good news, we can proceed with the rest of the treatment. Next, 5 days of another medication, just add that to the list of the four you already take. Then another ultrasound once you’ve completed the medication to make sure your follicles were stimulated enough and are growing to a decent size. Looks good? Great. HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) injection that night (usually) and then scheduled IUI. Michael will go first, and I will go two and a half hours later. After the procedure is finished we wait. We will wait for two weeks. Do you know how long that is in infertility? Well, it’s like a lifetime. Every cramp, every odd feeling you try to dissect and find out if it’s normal or not. You try to live life as you normally would without this time line in your mind. But you alter it. So, you’re not really living like you normally would. Each time, we got a negative result. Heart drop.

In total, we had 8 failed IUI’s. In case you were curious, the math works out to be 16 weeks of my life waiting for bad news. Anyway. The rule was, that after 3 tries we had to meet back with our doctor. The meeting happened, and it was decided that we should continue because I was having such good reactions to the medications I was taking. We hopped back up on the horse and trotted along. We hit a few speed bumps along the way (a cyst the size of my bladder one month, something wrong another) that set us back, but in total, we had 8 failed attempts.

We recently decided that we should meet again before starting #9. It was decided that according to science, we should stop doing IUI’s and look at our next option while we still have time. That would be IVF. The doctor explained what would happen, why we are good candidates for it and what to expect. He left us to chat about it. I started to cry, I felt relief, I felt sadness, I felt disappointment and I felt happiness. It was finally a change. I think that’s what I was needing. A change. We did so much of the same thing and got the same result. New thing, new result?

We are now starting the amazing journey of IVF. We will have an entirely new regimen ahead of us come October/November, but we can only hope and pray that this will be our ticket. It’s going to be stressful and scary for me, but, we’re really hoping that this way we will get to experience the joy of a positive result! Please keep us in your prayers 🙂

#nomorewhispers

“don’t worry, it will happen…”

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything! Life gets crazy when you’re trying to move, work and live life all at the same time!

I decided I would change it up just a bit, and hopefully help those that don’t have to suffer from infertility by offering up some advice on how to be there for a friend or family member dealing with it. I’ve often come across a situation when someone you know doesn’t know the infertility situation, or maybe they do, but they don’t know how to respond, what to do, or what to say.

You first have to realize one thing: A woman dealing with Infertility most often sees this as loss of a dream and assumed future because it is so unknown, and the unknown is incredibly stressful, scary, and sometimes painful! We are dealing with the struggle of something that can be so incredibly easy for someone else. Don’t get us wrong, we are happy for your pregnancy, baby shower, etc., but we can’t help but feel the slightest bit sad for ourselves. We will go through many emotions, but happiness is generally what we feel. I can only speak for myself here, in that, if I find out a friend or family member is expecting, of course it will hurt me. This does not make me mad at them. It’s something that I just have to deal with within myself. I am happy for the expecting parent(s). Truly. What I find hurts me, is the secret of it. I completely understand why you would be hesitant to unload your joy to me, but at the same time (remember, I’m only speaking for me here) it’s equally as hurtful to find out through social media or a different friend. It’s like we’re left out of something that is incredibly special, as if we aren’t left out of something incredibly special to start with. Infertility can be really complicated! Obviously.

What NOT to say/do:
– ‘Maybe it’s not meant to be?’
– ‘You want kids?! Take mine!’
– ‘Why do you want a baby anyway?’
– ‘have you tried acupuncture/headstands?’
– tell us last
– ‘you’re still young’
And my personal favorite:
– ‘don’t worry, don’t stress, it’ll happen’

That last one is a kicker. Please also remember, dealing with infertility and the related treatment is almost like a part time (if not full time) job in itself. Lots of medications, doctor visits and trips to some specialty pharmacy nowhere near where you live. And then there’s the money. And not letting it affect your marriage. It’s nearly impossible not to stress or worry.

What TO say/do:
– listen
– empathize
– be a friend
– ask if we would like to talk
-keep inviting them to social gatherings (showers, birthdays, etc)

As you can see, the what to say/do advice is smaller than what not to say/do. That’s because there really isn’t much you CAN do to help someone struggling with infertility, other than to be there, be a friend.

I hope this helps those in some way that know someone dealing with the struggle of infertility. And if you don’t, at least you’ll be prepared for when you DO meet that person. ❤

#nomorewhispers

the ‘f’ word

I wanted to first start off by saying how incredibly thankful we are for all of the outpouring of love and support from friends and family. It makes our journey that much more bearable knowing we are loved and supported.

I thought I would share how ‘infertility’ became a new word in my vocabulary.

After one year of trying on our own, we decided to cash in our “we’ve tried for one year without success” card. Because, you know, they (doctors) don’t really take you too serious if you seek help any sooner. I digress. After seeking the help of two different OB/GYN’s, I wasn’t getting the care or attention I was looking for. I didn’t know what I was looking for from an OB, but I felt like it wasn’t being taken seriously. We decided to look into a third that we knew people had good things to say about. I felt comfortable with this one. Cue the gross tasting; make you feel sick-pills. You push that out of your mind and hope you get used to it, because hey, it could be THE ticket! This is also where monitoring started. Regular ultrasounds. After three months of no results, we mutually decided with our OB that we just weren’t getting anywhere, and we needed a different plan they couldn’t provide.

Just like that, enter the specialist! After reviewing our previous medical history, treatments and so forth, he was certain I was a candidate for PCOS. But, I don’t have any of the signs or symptoms you listed? Well, that’s okay, because you can still have it. We will confirm this with a series of lab tests/blood work. Oh the needles. I have never had a fear of needles or blood draws, but let me tell you, it gets old being poked in the arm over and over again, and having one of the nurses bury the needle so you have a bruise the size of a tennis ball on your arm. Try explaining that one when you haven’t told anyone what you’re going through. Anyway. His assumptions were confirmed. You have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Immediately we will start a regime of medication. Oh the pills. The first, you will be on for a long time and you must eat before taking, otherwise they make you sick. What’s that? You don’t eat breakfast because THAT makes you feel nauseous? Well, two times a day for that one. Don’t forget your prenatal vitamin, your extra dose of folic acid and baby aspirin to thin your blood a bit.

Then, after more testing, came more news. Unfortunately, you will more than likely not be able to conceive children on your own. It’s not impossible, but it would be very difficult. This is where the wonder of medicine comes in and will help us to conceive. With the combination of the pills, weekly monitoring with ultrasounds, and the start of injections, we should get you there. Hold on tight, because here we go!

Of course this is just a snippet into how my diagnosis came to be. Sitting at the table I felt sad, overwhelmed, joyful and nervous all at the same time. Happy because we finally found the issue but sad because how would we fix it. What would be involved? And most importantly, how long will this take to work?

I had to keep in mind: ‘the pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming’. This will give us joy. Someday. All the medications, the injections, the impromptu early morning; before the sun-rises appointments and injections. Once the crazy storm of infertility is beaten, I may not remember how we made it through, we won’t even be sure the storm is over, but when we come out the other side, we won’t be the same as when we walked in.

❤

#nomorewhispers